Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
