we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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