My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My ass is underappreciated
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
