the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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