That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
