Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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