apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
