Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
