I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
