There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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