some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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