Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
40s are totally the cure
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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