Apparently you make a good broom.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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