Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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