I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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