I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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