Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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