there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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