Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
