so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Holy shit dude........stairs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
