I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
