i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
