Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize