Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
