I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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