I can text with my tongue
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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