The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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