I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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