That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
