How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize