i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
