I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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