First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize