..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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