So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
