The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
