If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
