i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
