Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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