yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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