Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
