i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize