hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
