I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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