I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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