Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
