ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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