I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize