Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
