All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
