Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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