Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize