dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
