God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
