I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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