I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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