Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
