I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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