I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
