Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
