Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
