Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i think my cat just said my name.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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