Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
