you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
