he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
