so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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