the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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