He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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