so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
