Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
