i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
