I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
