that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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