So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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