Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
