it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
