he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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