my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize