Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
