all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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