worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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