And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
