Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
