So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
