You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize